What is Becoming?
Ask any parent “Which is more important to you in regards to your children, what they accomplish or who they become?” Every time I have asked this to parents they respond, without hesitation, who they become. This is really interesting because the world is all about accomplishment. Make good grades. Get a degree. Get a goodjob. Make the team. Win the game or title. Accomplishment is easy to measure becauseit always has a number associated with it. It is A,B,C,D, or F in school, Gold, Silver and Bronze, the winning score in the game or how much money you earn. Accomplishment is how you measure the external.
Becoming, on the other hand, is difficult to measure. You cannot put a number on
personal growth, attitudes or character. So, without a number, there is no clear way to determine who became the most in a group of competitors so becoming goes unrewarded by our culture. Becoming is how you measure the internal. Let’s look at 3 ways to build becoming in our children.
1. Identify the principles that build character. Find ways to reinforce these principles often to your children. I know this seems obvious but if parents fail to do this at home there is no guarantee that others will build character in their children.
Here are some examples to consider but this list is by no means complete:
1. Always tell the truth.
2. Obey your parents and teachers.
3. Treat others the way you wish to be treated.
4. Be kind to animals.
5. Pay attention in school and always do your homework.
6. Always do what is right.
7. Be honest, friendly, courteous and dependable.
8. Value education, personal hygiene and physical fitness.
9. Seek the truth and make sound decisions.
10. Be reverent in faith.
2. Reward the behavior that shows good character. The world is slow to reward becoming, but as a parent, teacher or coach you can reward youth when you notice behavior that illustrates good character. The tools available to you to build character in others are your praise and your time. We make a mistake when we spend more time correcting children when they error (by calling attention to what they have done wrong) than praising them when they do what is right. Sadly, this is often the case. Secondly, find ways to pay attention to your children when they demonstrate good character. When they do what is right, tell them how much you admire who they have become. Becoming grows when attention is paid to it.
3. Set the example for them to follow. Fortunately, or perhaps unfortunately, most of who our children become is learned at an early age by watching the behavior of parents, peers and those in and around them. Most of us are copies of one or both of our parents. Accept this responsibility and become a good example for those you mentor to follow. Choose to make good choices and focus on becoming the best you possible.
By Lanny Bassham, info@mentalmanagement.com
